By Dr. Bethesda Eilers PhD
Have you ever seen Philadelphia Cheesesteak flavored Pringles before? Have you ever had to taste the wrongdoings of your parents as they hate the chips, but bought seven boxes of them? If so, here is the perfect solution. Don’t worry, I have eight PhD’s so you can trust me with the safety of you, your peers, and your disgusting Pringles.
No matter how you happened to gain the disgusting Philadelphia Cheesesteak flavored Pringles, they are disgusting. They taste like sawdust and dog liver. Dr. Hannah Moats said, “I do not trust anything ‘Cheesesteak’ flavored.” And according to David Eilers, the man who coded the OSD Portal, they were absolutely terrible.
No one is quite sure how Philadelphia Cheesesteak flavored Pringles started existing in people’s homes, but there are theories. One is that Philadelphia Cheesesteak flavored Pringles used magic to sneak into the homes of unsuspecting victims. Another is when the current owner bought the house, the Philadelphia Cheesesteak flavored Pringles were left there.
Everyone who has eaten Philadelphia Cheesesteak flavored Pringles has wondered what the most effective and efficient way to dispose of the Philadelphia Cheesesteak flavored Pringles is, and here are a few suggestions.
One popular way is to bring them to a social event such as church or a wedding. This is useful for getting rid of things fast and making people (who are not you) eat it. On the other hand though, if people catch you, your relationship may change. Another drawback is Philadelphia Cheesesteak flavored Pringles makes everyone within twenty feet extremely depressed.
Another way to eliminate Philadelphia Cheesesteak flavored Pringles is to Ebay the Philadelphia Cheesesteak flavored Pringles. Lie about whatever will make them buy it and do not refund. You can use them as an extra you get with the other things from Ebay or Buy Nothing.
You can also sacrifice them to the gods. Build a small shrine you can fit in your pantry and pray to the gods you will never have to taste the horror of Philadelphia Cheesesteak flavored Pringles. Sacrifice them for good, non- Philadelphia- Cheesesteak- flavored Pringles, such as salt or cheese flavored Pringles.
Lastly you can always simply hide them away forever. Put them in a safe in your room, a Faraway cage, sneak into a bank at night and replace the gold and diamonds with Philadelphia Cheesesteak flavored Pringles, inside your cousin’s house on the east coast, in a lead lined box in the Marina trench, or in any other place you think will be safe from the prying eye of possible victims of the Philadelphia Cheesesteak flavored Pringles.
I interviewed Senator Vivian Skogen and they said that they had eaten Philadelphia Cheesesteak flavored Pringles and they were an experience. “They taste like sh**, cow sh**,” (Senator Vivian Skogen.) They also said that they planned to sue the Pringles company and the Philadelphia Cheesesteak company if they became Senator again. We went on a Philadelphia Cheesesteak flavored Pringles factory tour and learned that Philadelphia Cheesesteak flavored Pringles are made of sawdust and human hair.
In conclusion, if you want to get rid of Philadelphia Cheesesteak flavored Pringles, you have many options including giving them away, selling them, sacrificing them to the gods, hiding them away and flamethrowers. I hope this essay convinces you to not buy Philadelphia Cheesesteak flavored Pringles, and to vote Vivian Skogen for Senator.
