I’m only in eighth grade, yet this feeling is already so clear.
I recognize him by his golden hair and the sound of his pure laugh.
I notice when he’s anxious by the way his leg bounces,
or how focused he gets while drawing funny sketches of his friends.
Others might catch my eye, but they’re never him.
When I’m with them,
I’m thinking of him and when I’m with him,
he’s all I can think about.
I usually keep people at a distance,
shutting my door when my gut tells me to.
But with him, it’s different.
I smile quietly at the mention of his name,
and I’ll admit I get annoyed when I see him talking to other girls.
I shy away whenever we’re actually face-to-face,
not because I’m mean,
but because I’m scared.
I’m terrified of saying the wrong thing or opening up only to have him judge me and walk away.
In science, I play out conversation starters in my head,
only to talk myself out of them by imagining everything that could go wrong.
In P.E., I watch him laugh with his friends.
I love how he’s a walking contradiction: loud yet quiet, athletic yet not, smart yet simple.
Maybe this is just a passing feeling.
After all, I’m only in eighth grade but right now,
it feels like everything.
